I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
