she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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