If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
