What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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