The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
