don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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