have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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