I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
