i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
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HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
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I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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