Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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