Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
