In the future we'll all be gay
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize