Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
