New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
