READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
