We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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