please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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