So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
