just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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