i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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