At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
