K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
im holly from the hills drunk
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
