Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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