i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
