i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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