talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
