road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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