i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
There's always time for handjobs
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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