kristin has been a bad kristin
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
