he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
