I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
