he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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