I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
