She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
