Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
