Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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