I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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