What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
