I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
