i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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