just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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