Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
