My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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