My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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