i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm passing your future prison.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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