can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
