i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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