Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
