I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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