i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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