go do what you do best...puke behind churches
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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