if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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