Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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