Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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