wakey wakey hands off snakey
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
