I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
