I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
