We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
