I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
