apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
