I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you traded sex for a burrito?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
