hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
