yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
