You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
