Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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