I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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