as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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