so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
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