Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
We named our party play list daddy issues
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
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What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
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I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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