hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Michael Bay diarrhea
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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