No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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