Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
