I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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