every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
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Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
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He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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