Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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