Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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