It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
