I think my vagina is haunted
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
