I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
