this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
