meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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